Gifts and how He loves to give them...

So something I am thinking about. Life here has settled in the girls are comfortable, the boys actually see me as some what of a team asset, the little boys at least. For the first time in my life I am viewed as a valuable player...thank you Cambodia:) Sometime, okay all the time, when the Lord places me on the mission field. I feel this sudden urge to go crazy, do everything, be everything to everyone, work myself into exhaustion for the people around me. I think my heart is good in this, I have the best intentions but the more time I spend with the Lord the more He reveals that is not His heart. Also my motivations are wrong in this endeavor also. I want to exhaust myself because I want to feel good about what I accomplished here, I want others to recongize what I accomplished, and I want others to say, "wow, shes a quality missionary!" WOW! This is just about the most disgusting thought process on earth. My point, my purpose, is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind. Then, Love your neighbor as yourself there is no greater commandment then this. So when I find myself asking what next, where to move, how to act. Its simple, so simple. He gave us the commandments, so do that, and your following the perfect will of God. He is a God of mystery, such handsome mystery, but He is not a God of confusion. So if your confused about your lives path, its not His heart for you. Confusion does not come from the Lord. So i have been having to live out of spirit and not in flesh, even as I type this He reminds me. You are here to please me, do my work, for my Glory...girl don't get that confused(sometimes Jesus talks to me in a ghetto accent..no lie.) Anyway, I have had to work very hard at changing this thought process, its still very much in route. Hold me accountable please. Okay so yesterday I was just kind of in a weird mood, I hadn't slept well so that probably added to it. But I prayed while I was in the shower, Hey Jesus could you send a bit of love my way. I just need a bit of Love. Guess what He did! Let me tell you what He did.

1.After my shower, I went and said out with the girls. They brought me about 10 bible books, asked me to read them. So i began to read and no lie every girl set in a pile around me. They all piled in to listen to me read a story in a language they couldn't understand. I tried to act it out the best I could they seemed to enjoy this. It was a beautiful picture. 20 or so faces, beautiful faces, just sharing back at me.
2.One of the staff came back from her break today. she is beautiful and so kind. She speaks pretty good English, enough that we can talk about real things. she is 20 also. we stayed up a couple extra hours just talking about the kids and her life. It was wonderful though, real conversation with someone my age. It was a blessing from the Lord. I am so excited to see what my relationship with Sahdong looks like in the future. I believe we are going to be beautiful friends, Pon also is becoming someone very close. She teaches me Khmer and I teach her English. I am teaching both of them how to use a computer.
3.I checked my email and facebook, wonderfully encouraging messages from some unexpected people. Thank you all for listening to the spirit.
4. Okay this could be my favorite. Today I was teaching Sam. We do this just about 8 in the morning. oh and btw, i get up at no later then 6:30 here, this is another first:) We were sitting in his bedroom, his desk is just under the window. We are right in the middle of a work sheet when I hear. "HEY HEY! PLAY!" I look up and to my surprise there is Darow and he has his face plastered against the screen. However, he is just a little guy, so his eyes are just level with the windowsill. Not to mention he had to walk around the back of the house, find exactly what window I was sitting in and then hope for the best. He repeats, "HEY HEY PLAY!" So i try to explain to him,(through the screen) that in just a bit, I have to help Sam with his "study". Darow just stares back, "HEY HEY PLAY." We use some hand signals and short English words and figure it out but he attempted to bully me into playing with him for a good 5 mins. It just made me laugh. I felt so loved.

We went out an played an hour of this game that I have dumbed, "run back and forth," because literally they say, "Courtney, Run." so i do. There are various other rules as much as I can tell but mostly I just run back and forth...hince the game, "Run back and forth." I will challenge you all to this game upon my return. Another game, that transcends culture is "pick me up and throw me." If you ever doubt what to do with a child that is 6 or under, very very simple answer, pick them and throw them. The catch is a very important aspect of this game, however, the child will most likely fall deeply in love with you soon there after. I haven't tried this on all the little ones, small percentage that they will run screaming because an almost stranger just flung them into the air, I hope for the best however:)

Things are good, this is my one week anniversary with Cambodia. Shoot I fell like I have been here a month. In a good way though. I love you all. So here's the thing, I love miss you all very much. However, not in any that hinders my thought processes here. The Lords grace is so amazing. He has allowed me to trust him. I know that you are all being tended to by the most gracious king, the most skilled gardener. Even if what you are currently experiencing is challenging, stretching, or you feel like your going to drown. I promise, I know, He promises, that He will use it for your good. He promises that His heart is for you and He is working all things for the most loving outcome. So I ask you to preserve, to endure, to Trust! Give him time to prove himself, give him time to back up revelation with experience. He longs to reveal to you a part of himself and then back that revelation with experience(I jacked this from Graham Cook, fyi) But wait on him, listen for him, long for him, open yourself to him. Surrender everything into His hands. Here is His promise:

“Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces;
now he will heal us.
He has injured us;
now he will bandage our wounds.
² In just a short time he will restore us,
so that we may live in his presence.
³ Oh, that we might know the Lord!
Let us press on to know him.
He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn
or the coming of rains in early spring.”
Hosea 6:1-3
*This is my prayer for you all, and the whole nation of Cambodia. For we are his prostituted bride that He allows to return home over and over again....imagine His love!