1 month and were still together...

So today is the official 1 month anniversary with Cambodia. What a beautiful celebration she gave me today! Oh my Gosh! Today was fantastic. So I got up, got dressed, and then headed to the church. The church was full of children! Children from my English class, smiling beautiful faces. I was so excited to see them all there. So we asked a few of the orphanage kids to step up in leadership roles. We asked for some greeters, welcomers, bathroom duty(humble position), snack table attendants, and a slightly more organized worship team. The kids did it all, did I mention they are the greatest kids in the world? Did I mention how I adore them so? So everything worked like a well oiled machine as each child took loving responsibility for their friends salvation. So we got everyone seated, worship played, they did fantastic! Please understand that our worship team is made up of 14 year-olds, seriously. Te-a one of our kids plans all the worship songs, organizes the practices and players, and writes out the lyrics for each song...amazing kid. He has consider being a pastor but wants a more staple income, pastors make on average 20 dollars a month or less. That's not much to live on even for Cambodia.

*Important Interruption*
I just ran from my blog to go get Kit because I thought some village kids were breaking in our gate. So me and kit ran outside with a flash light only to find Channee and La tackling a cat. They had the cat pinned down with bamboo on the fence. This cat is a nasty cat. I say that it IS nasty because it is still in our possession, I wish I was using past tense. All the older boys ran downstairs to join in on this grand display of manliness. They bound the cat rather quickly to my surprise, gagged it, and then placed bamboo through its legs, and hoisted it upon there shoulders to show the hunt to the house. I don't know if I have laughed so hard in my life. I thought they were going to kill it, but sadly they didn't:)I hate cats. Cambodia's don't really have a concept of pets, animals are food that's really it. Anyways we took some victory pictures. Then the boys took it and weighed it and Vuthy looks at me with victory in his eyes, 2 kilo! I laughed historically again. I am still unsure why the weight of the cat added to our find. Well its about 9:30 at night, so the boys just leave the cat bound on the dining room floor and resume studying, all in a days work:) Glorious FUN!

Okay so to return to the actual story. I preached today and I think it went rather well. The spirit gives so much peace when we walk in her will! It was wonderful Ream translated, did I mention that Ream is super women! I mean seriously this women is made of some kind of Cambodian magic. She takes care of the boys, takes care of 35 orphans, huge community figure, finds money for those who need it, sacrifices money for those who need it more, and does it all with beauty and grace. Oh not to mention she constantly translates for me and Kit. Just wanted to make sure you knew that she was a hero! We sang silly songs and all the kids left with a treat. One amazing thing was I had time to look at the crowd, really look during translation. There were a few faces looking at me with such concentration, really really listening, I imagine this is the first time they have heard the gospel explained. Today I got to preach the gospel to children that have never heard the story, this makes my heart melt. I can't fully explain to you what today meant to me. I will cherish it for years to come.

So we headed back to the orphanage after wards to play with the kids! So much fun! We had oodles and oodles of children, every where freaking out over all the orphanage has to offer. We played dominate the small kid with a big ball. Which basically means that we have this huge ball that we throw at the small kids and watch them zig across the yard. I promise the small kids embrace the zig:) I have amazing pictures of this event. Some of my older English kids came up before they left and said, "goodbye sister, thank you." This is touched my heart. Oh and sister, is also customary, everyone is called by their position in the family. So I am either Bong or Ming, which translates to sister or auntie. There was so many sweet sweet moments through out the morning. P.S. for those of you sinners that are Dane Cook fans, all I could think about when I saw this picture above was, "that tire hunted Mary." He He I giggle.

We had visitors come in the afternoon, 2 older business men who wanted to see our orphanage. They took Khmer class with Reams sister. Two business men, good guys, the country setting totally threw them off I think. We played baseball and they seemed totally uncomfortable but they were good sports. Nice guys that really seemed impressed by what we do! I was proud to show off the orphanage, I wanted to make sure that they knew and understood just how fantastic it was. I wanted to be like, "no wait I need you to stay a few days, you have to get to know these kids."

So in the midst of chores dad makes a wager for 2000 real if any of the kids will catch the prized catfish. We have a micro pond or something like that. A tiny pond especially designed to grow lots and lots of fish in one place. So I upped the wager to 1 dollar and Channee was in the water in a second, jeans and all. For you see a dollar is a months allowance here. So Channee caught the fish with his bare hands. He walked waist deep in the pound, groping around, hunting the fish ever so slowly. Again, these boys are boys. I could get into a long conversation about gender roles and about how God designed them and how America has deviated from this which has caused our men to loose their masculinity and destroy the family core, however, I will refrain:) Basically we have so manly men here!! As I am writing this I can here the boys outside my window debating on what to do with the cat:)

Umm..other sweet moments. Oh this spoke so closely to my heart. As the orphanage was saying goodbye to our guests. Tate says in English, "Goodbye, come back soon." and then looks at me with a very serious face. "but you, never come back! Ever Ever Ever!" This is impressive for many reasons, 1.that he used this much English that well 2. That He knew that I would appreciate and accept his sarcasm 3.That he was able to successful deliver this sarcastic joke across the language barrier. I say number three because humor is some times difficult to carry across language barriers. It was an eye opening moment, these kids know me and I know them. We know each other without ever, ever at all, having a legit conversation. I have never said more then 1 sentence to any of the children. We don't need words, smiles, frowns, understanding giggles, simple words, organized games, orchestrated pranks, punches, pokes, dancing, teasing, hugs, cuddles, sideways glances all communicate our message of "Hey I understand you, and Hey I love you,"

So the visitor can speak pretty legit Khmer, Jerk! Way to show us all up. He has been living in the city for 9 months so he has a bit of advantage but the kids were impressed none the less. So Sadong, my Khmer teacher, and soon to be a close friend. Looks at me and says ,"You need to do better! Seriously you talk English all the time, all the day, no more, only Khmer." So I tried to talk to her and she says, "No, no more English, in Khmer." She doesn't realize that I have just begun learning verbs so this is a bit of a ridiculous request but I appreciate the challenge all the same. So basically I am putting my nose to the grindstone and getting these verbs so that I can begin basic sentences. However, I must say I can generally understand what the kids are saying. I can listen but I can't speak. Ream pointed out I am like a baby, babies listen for years before they can form sentences, this was oddly comforting. However, please be praying for self-discipline in this department. If anyone has tried to legit learn a language they know how straight disheartening it can be on many occasions.

So today was dang gorgeous and I thank the Lord above! Shoot I am filled with Joy! I may bubble over! I am super tired, super tired so I must sleep. Oh BTW its like 95 plus right now as I lay in my bed. I may or may not loose 5 pounds in my sleep. Oh and P.S. I am officially relearning basic grammar rules again, so my texts may improve! I nailed down the spelling of where and were, and there appropriate use! Success in so many ways! I love you all and I wish I could show you the state of my current spirit, I imagine my insides look like rainbows and frosted easter cookies, you know with the thick icing on top. Yep thats what my soul feels like right now, the store bought thick icing sugar cookies...ummm So Good!

P.S. for fantastic pics of all the kids please click the link to the directors blog, Erica could professional pics of them all. They all choose their own outfits, Cambodia has an interesting style;)

Pray!!!

First I want to mention a beautiful moment that happen tonight and ask for prayer. Lim, is taking his state exam tomorrow. He is the smartest kid in our city and he is competing tomorrow to be the smartest kid in the state. This test is hard and eight hours long. So please pray that Lim would be washed in the peace that comes with the spirit. That everything that he has studied would be at the forefront of his mind. That he could concentrate and perform well. We are proud of him, regardless. He has worked so so hard! Oh we prayed for him tonight the whole family did. I peeked because that’s what I always do, and I saw 35 beautiful faces concentrated earnestly in prayer. 35 beautiful Cambodian faces murmuring their heartfelt prayers together. That’s how Cambodia’s pray, one person beginnings and then everyone else prays out loud but individually, it’s my favorite way to pray! So anyways it was a beautiful moment.

So the Lord is moving here and He is officially made it clear my position in Takeo. I have been teaching English at the church for a couple weeks now and a few of the children are slowly but surely getting comfortable with me. We have decided to do our best to improve the youth program or lack their off at the church. Kit and Ream have asked me to speak and have Sadong interpret. This makes me overwhelming excited! I am so excited to be able to tell Buddhist teenagers about the gospel, to speak in love the hugeness of my King! To say to them, “Listen close, I have the good news, I have news that will transform your life, I know a God that lives, that breaths, that responds! I know a God that is way too big to be stuck in a temple. I know a God that wants nothing of your sacrifice, but instead you! He is God that desires to love and know you personally. I am so excited to speak the good news. However, I desire to be wise and humble in this pursuit. To speak in a way that flows from the throne and to speak in a way that is real and personal. I want to be relevant to Cambodian teenagers, this part of the equation I am unsure. I want to speak humbly and in love, for I know that the pure of heart will see God. I do not want to pursue this new responsibility with any ounce of self glory; I pray that the spirit will not allow me to get puffed up.

So I ask that you pray that you intercede. I ask that you pray that the Lord plants a message in my lap. That he gives me words to speak specifically to the ears that are coming to hear. I would ask that you would pray that He would begin to open closed ears and melt cold hearts. I pray that the enemy would have no place in our preparations. That the tempter would not allow self-pride or distraction to interfere. I pray that I and everyone here could approach this endeavor zealous for the glory of God and the chance to bring more members of the body home. I pray for the lost, sometimes I can see evil in the eyes of the village children here. Sometimes I can see hurt, pain, hopelessness expressed on their faces. I pray that the gospel would defeat this. That the gospel would be like a cold drink, chocolate cake, like a family reunion. I pray that our words and actions would display love that woos the Fathers sons and daughters into Him. I pray that I and no one else would limit the power of God. That we would see Him in fullness and then desire to bring heaven on earth. That our goal would be no smaller than to bring heaven to earth, because you tell us this is the way to pray. “Let it be on earth as it is in heaven.” The orphanage children have all stepped up to have some type of leadership in this mission, I pray that they would take it seriously as the body. That their hearts would be moved for their friends. That they would begin to reach out and be the hands and feet. Pray for Sunday morning, lift up this time in prayer, and bath it in petition to the throne. Lift up our time of preparation, that all would be in agreement and be like-minded. I also ask that the seed of the gospel would be watered, nurtured, cared for after its planting. The Lord did not command us to go and make converts but instead go and make disciplines. Pray that if the Lord wishes to bring revival that He would raise up leadership in order to tend to the flock. Please partner with me in pray for this. If the spirit sends you scripture, encouragement, intercession, I pray that you would respond to it. I pray that the body would begin to appeal the thrown for their Cambodian brothers and sisters. I pray for humility.

Thank you family and friends that I consider family! Thank you for allowing me to see Jesus in this way. Thank you all that allowed this coming Sunday to happen. I praise Jesus that He has given me such a supportive and encouraging body. Sometimes when I think about the Lords love I cry, and then sometimes when I think about how He loves me through so so so so many family and friends I cry beautiful buckets of Joy. I may be the most blessed person in the world concerning being loved in completely ridiculous ways. I love you all! P.S. The orphanage needs a new sewing machine. The one we are currently using is being taken back by its previous owner. So we are out of a sown machine and considering the kids all mend their own clothes this is somewhat important. The little tiny girls all repair the boys clothes it’s really quite adorable. Let me know if the spirit compels you. sorry i don't know why the font is like this? I cant figure out how to change it.

The Happenings....

So I wanted to show you Ankor Wat or at least my experience there. It was a fun day! We got up a 3:30..in the morning. In order to see the sunrise over the main temple. This was a sleepy beautiful scene, considering I have only seen about 3 sunrises in my life, I am not really a morning person, it was defiantly a blessing. We toured the main temples, 3 of the most famous. The first is a huge huge temple with thousands upon thousands of ancient cravings over every inch of the temple. The craving tell a story of Cambodian life 1,000 of years ago. The second temple is slightly falling apart, considering its probably the oldest thing I have ever seen this is understandable. At this temple you will find extremely detailed HUGE craven images of the prior Gods face. His face is all over the temple, it 3D, think of an very egotistical mount Rushmore. Also as you walk the halls of this temple you will find giant shaft like idols protruding from the tiling. Ream informed me that this was a wait for, wait for, wait for.....penis God! What Men? Really? Seriously! Okay so only a supposed God King would make an entire temple dedicated to his own face and penis. Only men are capable of this type of ridiculous:) The last temple was my favorite, there are huge ancient trees that appear to be reclaiming the temple. There roots are huge and billow and break through most of the temple. It was pretty insane to see. I liked to think of it, as God himself reclaiming what was once His, like God said, "No I will take this land back as my own!" I like to think like this but it might be a little bit of stretch. We got to bring Rachana and Chow with us on this trip. Most of the kids have never traveled so this was a special trip for them. Poor Rachana was car sick the whole way but never complained, you would not believe how well behaved the children are here. American parents would pant with jealousy. She puked so quietly in the car, no asking for anything, and never complaining. Poor sweet thing such a trooper. We went to the culture center which was like a Cambodian theme park based on traditional Cambodia. This was fun, interesting, and down right hilarious at some points. It was crazy because of Chinese New Year, people everywhere! We got really hot and sticky at one point and ended up stepping out to get something to drink, I had the best Spirit of my life!! So that was most of the highlights of our trip to Seam Reap, Oh we took a 6 hour bus to get there, not bad though. So I wanted to tell funny orphanage stories for the remainder of the blog.

1. So we were talking with this tuk tuk driver, me and Erica, and we asked him what his name was. He respond very seriously James Bond. What? James Bond, its easier to remember then my real name, so just call me Bond, James Bond. He did not invert the name like I previous noted but I feel that it adds to the story:)

2. One night we were up playing and one of the boys goes to bed, littler guy, and shouts from the stairs, "Goodnight Courtney, Shower? You Shower?" I was like what Darow, he is just kept saying shower, shower, you shower. Kit was like I think its a proposition. I am not exactly sure, probably recently discovered the English word for shower, regardless very funny moment.

3. Umm..we found a baby bird today little tiny thing. As I showed Rosa she tired to smash it. This was a character revealing moment. However, Chow and Vuthy got to work on finding its home. I walked out holding the bird while Vuthy balance on this sketch looking ladder. He looked at me and said, "Bird." So I handed him the bird, he simply with the gentlest of care shoved it into a hole in the wall. A very small hole, I thought well okay sorry bird you now get to die in that hole. However, it was later explained that this was most likely a birds nest. I am not sure how successful our mission was.

4. Sam, the oldest of the Carson boys, is obsessed with my butt. I guess mine isn't special. He is mostly just obsessed with butts, jiggling them, bouncing off them, encouraging others to feel. This creates very interesting situations:)

5.Last night I went to lay in my bed which generally has the peices of a few dead bugs that I dust away, in my dusting, something moved under my sheet. So of course I cautiously investigated. As I pulled back my pillow I found a Salamander. This took several minuets as I chased him around my bed. eventually I couldn't find him anymore and decided we could share the bed:)

5.5 This is a pic of Chow on this weird tourist attraction thing, he is so shy we made him do it really, i giggle every time i see this picture

6.A ant crawled out of my rice once while we were eating on the road, I was hungry and decided I was hungry and it was just an ant. some of you are about to vomit:)

7. Joe says the B word instead of Bridge, this deserves a giggle every time.

8. There is a wealth of more, I just can't remember.

I love you all! I wish you could be here to adventure with me! I wish you could see this world through my eyes.

So you ask, How are things?

Things are going very well. I am teaching English and feel offically comfortable in that environment. I giggle a little to myself when the kids, staff, community class, ask me grammer or spelling questions. I giggle because if any of you have received a text, email, or face book message you must know that I spell like a 4 year-old. Sometimes it can be impossible to read:) So its a nice change to be the best speller in the room. I have to be intentional about my spelling here considering Tong a boy in my class will spot an error quick, considering I am teaching them the foundations for English I don't really want to screw it up. Khmer class is going well, the kids are beginning to help which is fantastic. However, there is not a whole lot of grace for my mistakes, most of my efforts erupt in laughter-which is good it lowers the pride:) I have become very excited about reaching the community, the children specifically, I hope to began serious work on making relationships and expanding the youth program at the school. They all want to learn English, the children will come to any event in order to better there English. I hope to use my western charm to begin to explain the gospel:) Please continue to pray that the language will come naturally that I will be given the grace to practice and engage. I know the Lord can work through the language barrier, He is very good at expressing love in some many different ways. However, I want to communicate the gospel, I want to show I have the good news! I want to free you from your idol worship and introduce you to a God that breaths, that pants, that's coming back for His bride. I want to speak of the wedding day! The Lord wants to use us in amazing ways, He wants to use us like the great fathers of the faith. Everything in the bible is TRUE, everything in the bible is TRUE for YOU! Everything in the bible is TRUE for YOU right NOW! What if we read the word of God like this. What if we read, "Go and do greater things than me," and we took in literally, we took it as a promise.

I challenge you today to look at any statement the Lord makes, radical as it may seem, and apply it! Test it out! For example the bible says repeatably "ask and you shall receive." This was a hard revelation for me to grasp. So wait, you can respond to me? I can move your heart? You heart is to give me good gifts? You want to answer every cry of my heart? You want to be my good father who showers blessing on those who believe? Yes! Yes! and Yes! The Lord answers prayers and He wants to have us pray big, small, specifically, broad, globally, personally, for others. He longs for us to ask! I have been asking for several months now and He has been showering,"Yes, of course daughter why would I not give that to you, I love you, here you go." Now important point our King has a fatherly love, agape love, He loves us in a way that is best for us. So sometimes He says no, or not now, or never. He responds this way because He can see the path ahead, He can see the motive of the heart, He can see the outcome. So if you pray for something big, specific, and life altering, you pray with trust and faith, you stick your neck out and nothing happens. That must mean that God isn't real and doesn't listen! It simply must! NO, silly it means He has a better plan, He loved that you asked but He has something else in mind. Don't ask for something to prove His character, because I promise He will not respond to this type of testing. However, ask out of love, ask of hope, ask out of desperation because you believe that Jesus is your only option. Ask because you know His character already! This revelation changed my life so ponder it for awhile. Oh and another question: Is God big enough? Is He big enough to save me, love me, heal me, reach me, reach my Mom, reach my boyfriend, change my life, get an A on my exam, learn a language, choose my husband, mend my broken spirit, take away anger, take away jealousy, fight for me, understand me, hear my prayers, etc etc etc.....I promise, I promise, the bible promises, and He promises, YES! You can't even imagine how Big I Am! I hold the world in the palm of my hand! Shoot child, your going to pee your pants when you step into my glory!

So that was my soap box, I had no intention of writing about that so maybe it was from the spirit specifically for you? ummmm....what to talk about. If you don't have a quite time-get one! Now, its the most important thing you can do. The Lord bathes me in living water every time I walk with Him in the secret. I have found in Him a hiding place, and this is needed in such a dark dark world. The Lord is unearthing a lot of sin, lies, fleshly things in me. This is always an ugly process but a life altering one. I am full of pride! I am so prideful in my motives its disgusting! Pride is the opposite of God, I believe pride is the worst of all sins, if you can label one. Pride wounds others, pride leads us to believe that we are superior to God, pride always tell us to choose self, prides eliminates true relationship with God and man, pride defeats love. So now I have been doing my best to embrace situations where I look foolish, it is an opportunity to lower the pride. The spirit encourages me to delight when others don't like me, to delight when others cheat me, when others ignore me, to delight when I seem to be the only one expelling love. I delight because this type of relationship denies flesh, this type of sacrificial relationship can only happen when one is directly connected to the vine. This type of relationship looks like Jesus. So I think I shall try to approach others with a humanlity that says, I will be myself around you regardless, I will be transparent, I will take the risk that you won't respond like I want, I will love you regardless of what you do to me. I will do this because it sets me free! I desire Freedom! Also because it allows you to see that I am human, and I can invite you into a similar humble honesty about yourself. This I know will never be perfect, this will be a lifetime pursuit, however He is faithful to finish His work:)

To catch you up on less serious things. I like it here! I like my work and see it worthy of all of my time. I am getting the kids and they are getting me. I try to hug them always, I loved to be hugged and find this the best way to convey love when we can't speak. I try to avoid frontal hugs with the little boys that hit me at about chest level, for obvious reasons of course:) I taught the kids lap tag the other night, so so so funny. Little On(girls name) was such a fierce competitor, she took the big boys with such a fight. I love them all, I love them so very much, they are such good and loving children. I want all the things a mother wants for their children. I want to see them grow big, choose wives, pursue dreams. I want good good things for them. I want them to always stay as they are, lovers of Jesus, beacons of light into this world. I want to see the little girls in fancy khmer dresses headed for their engagement ceremony. I want to see them grow into their beauty. I want to see how they are going to alter the darkness that is Cambodia. I want to see their tiny hands and feet grow big, blessed are the feet that bring the good news. Oh I love them so much!

Okay so I write a lot, praise you for the endurance to make it to the end! I pray for you all constantly even though we are seas apart. I know that I know that I know that the Lord is moving in lives regardless of location. I know that He is taking care of all of your needs that I can't provide in this season. I know that He is expanding hearts to His love, expanding hearts to his commission. I pray that you would walk more intimately with Him daily. Ask him for more of Him, this question He will always grant with a YES! I love you all deeply and eternally! Thank you everyone who made this happen, you answered the call of the Lord, praise Him!

I just wanted to share Joy!

Sometimes I like to write things..okay all the time:) I find its easier for me to communicate writing then speaking. I love to write about the character of God:) However, tonight, I want to show you Joy! I want to show you my heart. I just want to let you see the face of Cambodia and let the Lord stir from there. So here are the faces that the Lord has commissioned me to love, here is your Cambodian family, the faces the heart of the Lord is pursuing!

Things you need to know

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1. I would like to apologize to all my blog readers for my unfortunate spelling error in the previous blog. It has now been changed so if you didn't see it before THANK GOD!

However, on to other topics. I wanted to show you why Cambodia is in the state its in. Why it is still consider a developing nation. Under the rule of the Khmer Rouge the country hit a downward spiral. Pol Pot from the years 75-79 destroyed the country and its people. Pol Pot desired to return Cambodia to a pure race and eliminate all foreign influences. He created hundreds of killing sites all over the nation, basically choosing at his own free will who should die and who should live. He forced everyone out the cities hoping to restore the country to a purely farming economy. The lucky Cambodians lived in these relocation camps and nearly starved to death, food was everywhere, but it was illegal to eat it. The educated were told to identify themselves so that they could be taken to reeducation camps, the ones that did, where soon taken to death camps instead, where they may be forced into slave labor or just killed. In these "reeducation" camps the victims were tortured, brutally tortured until they admitted to being a spy, then they were marched out to the local killing field. If they admitted to being a spy most likely there family would be eliminated as well, in order to prevent retaliation . This includes babies. The khmer rouge didn't want to waste money on bullets for their victims, so they beat them with shovels and other blunt objects. They were buried in mass graves, bodies on top of bodies, mothers holding their headless children, naked women piled on top of each other. I think pictures will speak louder than words so I will walk you through a few that moved me.


(The skulls of female victims, the breaking of the skull is evidence to how she died, blunt force to the head)

(The school, once a place for children, was converted to a torture chamber, victims were place in individual cells, tortured with beatings, electrocution, and acid until they admitted that they were a "spy")



(This is how Cambodians were found, tortured to the point of death, usually stripped naked, with acid and electricity burns, these mangled bodies are what family members found when looking for their loved ones who were getting "reeducated.")



(Labeled the gallows because this is where many victims were hung and killed on public display to enlist fear in the remaining camp)


(A holding cell with remaining blood)


(victim number 1 this young boy is clearly out to destroy state, each victim was given a number and a picture upon entry. There pictures create ghostly reminders on the walls of the genocide museum).

(The killing tree, where babies were killed, most were swung by the leg at a specific knot on the tree, their heads were bashed in on impact. There is still a black knot on the upper part of this tree, the tree was wounded by the impact of infants skulls.)


(As we were touring the killing fields walking from mass grave to mass grave. On the path you start to trip across strips of cloth and white stones. This cloth however, is human clothes. Human clothes that become a little bit more uncovered the more it rains. As you walk along the paths your scandals get caught on pieces of shirts and shorts, the white stones are bones. Human bones that have yet to be excavated. You can find human teeth along the path with greater exploration. This I believe was the most moving part of my entire trip, I walked on human clothes, the clothes worn by children as they faced their last days, terrifing reminders of years past. I rubbed my scandals on human bones, bones of children, mothers, fathers. The paths were covered with the remains of a lost generation, this generation is begging to be reminder, each new rain storm uncovers more and more of the story.)

As I took all this in I was reminded of a conversation I had with a Barnabas staffer. He said satan is not omnipresent. He can only be in one place at one time. When I walk on death clothes of children I simply must think Satan was here. Satan ruled here for a period of time, He took delight in this evil. He choose this place to demonstrate his evil, in the rain of Pol Pot I simply must think that Satan walked the country with delight. )

Thinking...Thinking...Thinking

Okay so sorry its been such a long time since my last post, I have been in the city for the last couple days which tends to drain a little bit. We picked up Erica from the airport, I guess 3 days ago, and showed her the city and picked up everything that she needed. We went to the Russian market which is basically just a big market geared towards tourist. I am excited because I found loads of things to bring home to you all. Erica is a photographer from NY, she takes fantastic pics, and I am excited to see how she documents the orphanage. We have been brainstorming several things and one that I most excited about is this book project. Were she would take the photos of the kids, their hands and feet, in front of different swatches of fabric. Then later when she returns home we would collaborate, meaning Erica, myself, and the Carsons. To partner each child's pic with their story! This makes me excited. Oh and I will try to add a link to her blog, because she posts crazy cool pics of Cambodia all the time. Ummm...things are good, I know all the kids names, and for the most part beginning to get a good feel for personality. Upon my return form the city, I realized something, I wanted to be home at the orphanage. I was so excited to be home and see Sam and Joe and all the others. Its crazy how comfortable and attached to this place I have already become. The children! The children! They are just such wonderful kids! I want to spend as much time as possible with them. So here is somethings the Lord has been revealing:

1. Wisdom, the pursuit of wisdom, and all that this means. This is very important to the Lord, for some reason or another He is bringing this up over and over again. Every bible study, sermon, and biblical conversation has revolved around this subject. Also in my studies I have found that wisdom is often depicted as female, referring to wisdom as a "she." This is very interesting to me and if you have any thoughts please shoot them my way. I will continue to study and get back to you with my findings.

2. Jealously, this is what I really want to discuss. So the Lord himself, personally communicated to me, in a beautiful way, His jealously for me. The moment that He revealed His jealously my life changed. This is a very long story and if you are interested, let me know, and I will elaborate. However, for the purposes of this blog, the Lord is a jealous God!! Examples:

For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God!"
Duet 4:24

For you shall worship no other God, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a Jealous God
Exodus 32:14

For jealously is a husbands fury: Therefor he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will accept no recompense, Nor will he appeased though you give many gifts
Proverbs 6:34

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm.
For love is as strong as death,
its jealousy^c]">[c] as enduring as the grave.^d]">[d]
Love flashes like fire,
the brightest kind of flame.
⁷ Many waters cannot quench love,
nor can rivers drown it.
If a man tried to buy love
with all his wealth,
his offer would be utterly scorned.
Solomon 8

Allow this to become a part of how your picture our Lord, for its very much a part of His character. Allow yourself to see His jealous face! If this is hard to place let me paint you this picture. A married couple, that love love love each other, like think of the happiest newly wed couple you know. Then in all their marriage bless, after both sides have made sacrifice to be together, after the husband(Jesus) gave everything to bring His bride home. Picture this type of love! How would this couple act around each other, how would they respond to each other. I picture words like, "I will give you everything," "You are mine, I am yours, I am for you forever!" "You are the reason that I rise in the morning, you are the reason that life matters." So then allow this picture to come into a view. This wife, that this husband has given everything for, sleeps with another man. Leaves The One that loves her most for a messy fling. Imagine this husband, imagine His hurt, His anger. If you are a man reading this blog, imagine the girl you love most in the world and then imagine her betraying you for another. The hurt is crushing. Not only is there hurt but a wealth of other emotions. Holy Anger! You loved her first and most. She is yours and you want her back. Then comes Jealousy, the emotion that washes over when you see her with another man. Jealousy can wreck a man, bring him to his knees, pull him apart piece by piece. For Jealousy implies that you still love her, that you still want her back, that your pursuit for her has not ended. In the Greek bible Jealous and Zealous come from the same word. Our Jealous Father is still in Zealous pursuit. When I see Jealousy depicted in the face of Jesus, I see both Lion and Lamb! I see a lion, a huge lion, capable from crushing everything, muscles rippling, jaw tight, with complete fury in His eyes, fury in His fiery green eyes. Ready to pounce, ready to fight for what He wants, ready to take back. Then I see lamb, lamb laid at the slaughter. A wounded, dying lamb, bleeding form the side. This blood shouts Jealous, wounded Jealousy, the lambs eyes say look what I did for you. Look how I loved you, and you left me! How could you leave love offered like this. I see both as key aspects of the Lords jealous love. Ask Him to reveal to you His jealousy, ask for more of Him and he will always answer, ask for more of Him in vision and in dream.

Okay...so I am suppose to replicate the Lords character through out my life. So after receiving the revelation of His jealousy, I thought how do I show this to the world. How do I allow my spirit to show case this beautiful love to the world. For the bible specific says, "Love is not Jealous." So I thought and thought, and this is what the Lord provided, via a timely email from Miss Laura K! Quote from Laura K:

"We are ambassadors and He is making His appeal to the world through us. We should be jealous for the honor of His name and speak truth into lies that do not bear His name. So He can have all the Glory!"

So basically we should not be jealous towards others but jealous for His names sake. We should have eyes that burn with fury when our husband is defamed. When are husband is spoken about in lies and deception. When our husband, in all His handsome valor, is reduced to something small and earthly. We should be hurt, angry, jealous, when a member of His bride leaves Him. When He is not given the glory that is due. We should be Jealous for Him and Him alone. Always wanting more of him personally and also begging the world to come into His love. Our God should become more and more real to us, as we see His face we come into a place of Jealous love, holy commitment, eternal partnership. I beg that you would come to know our King in this way, come to know our handsome prince of peace, that begs, pleads, intercedes for you at the fathers right hand. Search out His Jealous heart and allow this revelation of His character to completely change who you are. Allow His love to wash over you, Beloved. His wants to be more to you today, allow Him to be more of whatever you need. Be Jealous for His Glory!
(At a Temple, were children come and worship this graven image. This man made God!)

So much to cover....so get ready!!

So we can begin with Friday, keep in mind I am a day ahead of you. At 5 oclock I went to the village church and helped Sadong. This was way more fun then expected. The English class that I will soon be teaching is made up of advanced students, most close to my age. The spent the hour asking me questions, the questions they knew how to ask. I am excited because I can already tell that there are a few students that are really passionate about learning and will really grow from just simple conversation with me. Oh and side note:when you wonder Lord what can I offer your kingdom, I don't lead worship, I can't speak well in front of people, guess what---your English skills are invaluable to your brothers and sisters across the world. Oh and I was hit on my several of the students, this was awkward, 2 got "you are beautiful." However my favorite was from this older overly confident boy he almost took me off my feet with this one, "how you do so petty." Which was an attempt at are pretty! This was hoot! I am talking with Kit and we are brainstorming how to use the bible as a tool to teach English, also we are going to try and put together a youth event. I look forward to making relationships with all my students, sharing love and the gospel with them. Karen I hope to use your bibles in this way..not exactly sure however. Friday night had dinner as usual with the Carson clan, but wanted to mention a pretty funny conversation. There is hardly any dating in Cambodia, mostly an arranged marriage and dowry system. So Ream was explaining this and saying that the rich girls can go for as much as 10,000 dollars, there not being sold I realize it sounds bad its just culture. Then Kit with a grin says, "Yeah I got for only 2 thousand, she was such a deal, sometimes I ask for a refund however." Then Ream says defensively, "that was 10 years ago I would cost more now." Just to clear up that she was not a cheap buy. It was funny maybe you had to be there:)The above pictures are of me, Somerang, and Rachana picking words for the catfish.

Saturday is the kids free day which always proves to be fun. We went to the zoo in the morning which proved to be a great time. It was a pretty decent zoo, looks of different cages with interest animals. My favorite part however, was the fact that deer where on exhibit. Like regular deer were a zoo attraction..funny how that works across boarders. There was also a cage with a squirrel. Umm the monkeys just walk around the zoo, they get shockingly close and the kids hide from them. They are known to steal food right out of your hands, and bite if they need to. There were beautiful peacooks and eagles. They even had a Bengal tiger and several elephants. It was a good time and the kids seemed to really enjoy it. The monkey in the picture was close enough to reach out and touch, he followed us via the fence for awhile.

Later that day I taught them all a new game, to be honest I had been getting tired of "run back and forth" and wanted something new. So I taught them AOSHCA(sp?). It was so fun and they all caught on pretty fast. If you don't know this game its foot tag that we play at Camp Barnabas all the time. The kids got it pretty quickly, so have even gotten good at the fake out. It was so much fun to watch. They are all so nimble they fly all over the place. We played several rounds, had dinner, and then we DANCED! Did we ever dance, Te-a taught me some traditional moves, which I caught on in due time. It was fun, the kids got quite a giggle of watching me learn. Then we turned on this Cambodian dance music, which basically is Cambodia rip offs of American music, like mombo number 5, and that one song.."I want to make love, love love, love, right now, now, now, now. " However, apparently the Cambodia translation is cleaner with, "I want to make up...." The kids were hilarious and a few really had some moves. The older boys were all to cool and a few of the girls were to shy, but it was fun to try and drag all of them out there. Rachana had the moves, she glowed in the limelight, we had such a blast together. On(thats her name) had the wiggles, she would shake her little butt so cute, and Somerang this little feisty boy did some b-boy moves. The night was so fun and everyone was laughing hysterically. I taught them all how to bow like a ballerina and I think Tong got the biggest kick out of this. Oh and before this Kit had caught a lizard, we have the weirdest lizards here, they make a clicking sound and will apparently bite if you give them a chance. We had a wonderful time chasing the kids all around and flinging the lizard at new crowds of screaming children. Lizard took some what of a beating but survived the festivities. This was hilourious because Leam, one of our 16 older boys was terrified. Chennee had him stuck in the corner and all Lean could do was scream and hide behind one of the bikes. We all went to bed exhausted from the dance party but full up from Joy. The picture is of Dad-dy(Kit) looking for the flung lizard.

Sunday! We are just begnning this day. This morning we went to a local cell group which is a small church and helped with the youth program. Leam delivered the message, I don't know what He said, but he looked dashing and confident:) We sang a few songs. Then we headed to the fielded and played a few games. Soccer, frizebe, and tag. The kids ate it up. We had so much, it was great to see the greater hope kids love on other children too. One of the little girls so cute stole my heart, she held my hand the whole time. Then the Lord opened up a door, there was a handicap baby next door that they wanted me to look at. Here in Cambodia if you have any type of medical knowledge you are valuable, so I went to perform a screening, I saw this done twice in observation so in a Cambodian village I am qualified. The girl looked good, needs therapy, but with therapy in my completely unprofessional opinion will improve. I am going to email the pediatric specialist at home and then perform the therapy through here advising. The family seemed so excited about my help, and to my surprise it was the little girls family. The little girl that held my hand the whole time, it was her sister that I helped. The Lord is so good in how he connects:) Ashley this pic is going to be for you! Pray for wisdom on how to help this little baby and that through the Lords grace we can improve her quality of life. Things are good here, very fun weekend for us all! The little girl on the right is one that stole my heart and her baby sister is the one that hopefully will receive therapy.