He comes like the dawn!!

So some of you may know that I have been going through some spiritual roughness over the past couple of weeks. I wouldn't call it hard but instead challenging. I want to share this journey with you because you need to know that this is who God is, shoot, I need to be reminded everyday. After this revelation, I asked the Lord if I could write a blog about it, and he said, "Yes!!" So I know that I know, that this message is also personally for one of you reading.

So to start from the beginning. I spent several nights asking the Lord to come, to come personally to me, with some new piece of him. The Lord has always been faithful to do this, however, generally in the context of community. So here in Cambodia, I longed for a taste of him in our intimacy alone. I really wanted to experience, that Jesus could be the same Jesus in a spirit-filled church as He is in a Cambodian bedroom. So I asked for this time and time again, and for several reasons the Lord withheld, I withheld also out of fear but fear is for another blog. He withheld, he did not leave, but he most defiantly withheld himself. This nearly threw me into a frenzy, because I knew that the promise of God was to always pour out his spirit. This confusion lead to more confusion and more confusion. A thousand questions, convictions, and challenges began to swim through my head over the weeks. I couldn't rope in my thoughts. I couldn't find answers. I prayed again and again for wisdom...and nothing came.

Then through a conversation with Kit and a few emails. The Lord reminded me of His truth. He reminded me that He always takes me on a journey before revelation. He ask me to wait, to wait patiently on him as a bride waits for his groom. This is a mark of a bride! This is a mark of a women! So I surrender myself to the waiting. I no longer tried really hard, I just waited on the promise!! This felt like freedom! I no longer worried, I trusted. The revelation was sweeter this way because Jesus drew me into himself. He brought me closer and closer until He could whisper love into my ear! It was truly beautiful and easy to wait on the Lord. It gave much much Joy.

I was reading come away my beloved and one of the readings stuck out! I couldn't get it off my mind for a couple of days. So I came back to it. The reading was on confession and conviction. It was based mostly off of verses through James. I read them in the morning and prayed that Jesus was continue to reveal the sin He wished to remove through out the day. Then I had an hour to spend with him in the afternoon and guess what...He came!! He brought the revelation that I had been begging for.

The next is literally copied out of my journal from that afternoon. To some this might seem random and not as beautiful as I am playing it out to be. However, these words spoke directly to every question on my heart and answered it completely. They were spoken directly to me, in such a personal fashion. This whole revelation was filled with other tiny revelations that showed Jesus character to me time and time again. I wish I could crack open my heart and show you exactly how I feel however, blog communication is much safer:)

From Come away my beloved:
"Then why set about excusing and rationalizing your sins when the way of confession and forgiveness stands open for you? Do not hinder me!!! For time is precious and I am waiting on you."

"Do not be smug about your ways, your ways are not my ways!"

"You are indulgent when I have called you to rigid discipline. You speak soft words when I require truth. You interfere with the convicting of the spirit when you smooth over confession."

Then the Lord lead me to James 1:15 and this birthed beautiful truth:
"Then after desired has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin when full grown gives birth to death."

Journal Entry:
3/25/2010

My desire for comfort gives birth to over-indulgence, laziness, and lustfulness. This if continued will only produce rotting death. So when trying to weed out sin nature, we must choke it before it is born. We must find the root of desire and cut it off before it can birth sin.

James 4
What is the root of your fights and quarrels, its the desires that war within you. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

Okay, so Dad to be honest and confess my sin to you. I ask so that you will take it and replace it with you.

1.The root, the desire is comfort. I desire comfort above all. This is where indulgence, laziness, and lust come from. I long to be comforted. show me that a comfortable life is not your promise. show me that you desire to be my only source of comfort, so that I will never yearn for the momentary comforts of this world. Dad I give you comfort, I ask for the grace to continue to let go. Jesus knew very little comfort, so I ask to replace comfort with Joy! To replace comfort with eternal, supernatural Joy! That sounds like a pretty amazing trade:
I trade comfort for Joy!

2. A sin that has birthed from this desire is laziness. I have always assumed this was just part of me. It is, part of my flesh, but not of my spirit. I can feel the eagerness of my spirit straining within me. I ask that you would always give my spirit the louder voice. Give me grace to choose hard-work done in your name. Give me grace to serve you well and excellently. Give me a desire for excellence. Thank you Daddy for revelation
I will trade laziness for excellence

3. Judgment and pride. These seem to walk hand and hand. I have noticed a huge since of personal pride. I naturally view myself as better than others. I judge them instantly assuming that I could love better, work harder, manage more effectively, just be or do better in general. This is not all people but most. Naturally you would have me trade pride with humility. What does that mean? I think more than anything it means change me for you. This excites me! More specifically it asks me to view each person, situation, or circumstance through your eyes. To ask the spirit to show me more of you, and strip all traces of me.
So I trade pride for humility, I trade my eyes for your eyes

then Lord comes judgment that follows closely with pride. Jesus the righteous judge had compassion on his people and came to make up for the weakness of man. He showed compassion instead of rightful judgment. He knows compassion for He walked in struggle to the flesh. His constant intercession is a mark of that compassion.
I will trade judgment for compassion. I will trade gossip for intercession. I will love with sacrificial love in place of justified judgment.

Shoot your words are sweet. Thank you father for revelation, it flows over me. Thank you for speaking so clearly. Thank you for showing me what dying to me means. I imagine this satisfies! This revelation makes the trip worth while. The mystery of dying to me, looks like a trade of desires. I trade evil desires for holy ones. Thank you clearing confusion and allowing me to dive into your truth. Dad, thank you answering, for raining the promise of wisdom for all those who ask, it makes me want to dance!
Dad! You are who you say you are!!


This whole experience was backed with Joy. As each new truth was revealed, Joy washed over me. I had been set free. My current approach of try hard and fail was no longer needed. I was starting to understand Paul's encouragement all the more clear, beginning to see the clear separation of spirit and flesh, and the Lord laid out a clear road map for me to choose spirit. He is leading me on a path of righteousness, holiness! Woot! So far it has been wonderful but hard. I fail everyday. I am rebellious and selfish. However, I am learning who He is, and who I am, and who I desire to be. He comes to me in whispers, challenging me to choose this life of righteousness. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. I am learning and He has compassion. He again does not want me to try at this, to struggle to beat down my long ingrained desires, instead he wants me to lean to him for strength instead of my own will power. This I am still learning to do! However, it is beautiful. He met me exactly where I am, and it made all the difference. I praise the Lord. I praise the Lord. I praise the Lord!!! Oh my soul!! Praise the Lord!!

Come On!! Let me show you my Life!!

*So night of the wedding, Lim and Channee come in and ask for the sling shots. I ask why? They said to shoot the wedding guests that try to steal our mango's. You see there was a wedding next door and these two dashing young men were our security. Mom mentioned to them, so naturally, "Oh and shoot them if they pee on our fence." Its strange that this is a concern. However, in Cambodia every bush or fence is a restroom.


*The newly married couple. The kids and I got to sneak in at the last part of the wedding. Weddings are huge here! They take about three days, the bridal party has insane outfits, and the bride may change her colorful dresses 2 or 3 times a day. The wedding starts in the afternoon and can last till 2 or 3 in the morning. Lets just say we all took sleeping pills when the wedding party started:) Here's the wedding Andrew:)

*This is Englim, one of the students in my class. The women and girls spend all day doing there hair, make-up, and preparing there dresses. The boys stare at the sight of them. They are truly stunning. The girls came over to get pictures with there friends, and some of our older boys were shy but clearly impressed. I know for a fact that Vuthy has a personal interest in Englim:)

*We made smore's a couple of night ago. Well sort of:) However, it was so much fun to watch the kids attempt to roast there marshmallows. You would hear a disappointed sigh or scream here and there as they melted away and dropped into the fire. It was a great night overall and everyone enjoyed the treat. For most this was there first smore. The girls are Rachana who is full of beautiful beautiful life, she is so wild, I pray that she will channel this into all of Gods adventures and challenges. Rowitt, the one more behind me, is our newest addition to the orphanage. She is a bright and out-going girl. She has never been to school before because she worked the rice fields with her grandparents. This is extremely hard work!! They were so poor they traveled from field to field with the harvest. Sleeping where ever they ended up that night. However, Kit and Ream will catch her up quickly..and one day I am sure she will go to college. Rowitt had never seen a TV or heard of a birthday before her arrival here.


*Yep! This is what I get to do!! The boys all crowded into the picture. I love them so, this picture will forever be precious to me. Aren't they handsome, I am so proud of them!!



*This is Pecktra! Stinking cute right! For some reason or another Pecktra kind still looks like a street kid:) I think it adds to his charm:) He has taken a keen interest in slapping me on the back every time he walks past me. Then he realized that I understood the word, "EE-ooow." Which basically means please hoist me onto your shoulders so I can ride around. So now, "Courtney EE-oww, Courtney EE-oow." Rings constantly from the little ones. I don't mind because every time I look at Pecktra, I want to squeeze him so hard, his cutest might nearly break my heart:)
Simply said, "I could eat you up, I love you so!"*This is my home! For all of you that are still wondering what exactly does Cambodia look like well this is a view from a near by water tower. The 3 story building is my home!!This is pretty much what most of Cambodia looks like, rice field after rice field, with a few sparse trees here and there.


*Sunset from the water tower, it was truly a beautiful evening! Rylee I know you will love this!! Jealously is not from the Lord:) Jessica this is for you too, I know how you love sunsets!!



*Yep! I know right! In light of all this beauty! This is where the Lord lead me! This is where I get to spend my days!! I praise you father! However, I challenge you to look at the water in this picture, that's drinking water! The brownish, green, infested with trash and misquotes. That is was most Cambodia families drink. Every time I see the water, it urks my insides. Many many Cambodians die each year from dysentery due to unclean water.



*Ummm!! So the kids took me on a little bike ride. "Courtney, Courtney, come play outside." I said okay. Tong says, "You need shorts." I was unsure why but changed anyway. We rode a little ways and parked in front...well a dream come true. Some of you may know that I have a personal passion for climbing things. A water tower was on my list! Da Da Dah!! Jesus how you bless me. This is La one of the older quite boys, he is normally so reserved but on this day even he couldn't resist a smile.


*The kids scrambling up the ladder! As I scream, "Braw yaht" to the crazy ones. This means be careful. Most of our boys are so fearless and enjoy seeing me worry over them. Yong the one closes to the bottom, enjoys this the most. Hanging off the ladder like a monkey, mostly so I will scold him. They are such strong kids, very capable, so I wasn't to worried.


*At the top with everyone. As you reached the top you could climb down into the reservoir and scream and yell, so much fun! Soon this will provide clean drinking water for the village. However, progress has been slowed on the account of limit funds. This day was beyond glorious and will live on in my memory for years to come! The Lord blesses me beyond reason! His love flows through these children. I see hope and promise in them. I wish many many things for them. I wish they had a good school, a private school. I wish they could lay in a huge pile of snow and eat and eat and eat it. I wish that I could show them the US one day. I wish they could see a 3D movie. I wish they could walk through Wal-Mart with 500 dollars. More than anything I pray that they come to love Jesus more and more each day. I wish for the invaluable blessing of true love in their futures, via friends, families, and Jesus!!


*This is Tate and Yong. Yong is closes to the camera and he is already such a man. He is very strong and stoat for a Cambodian. I am positive he is going to grow into a very strong and hardworking man. I pray that he would grow in spiritual strength and leadership as well. Tong is pictured behind him. Tong is brilliant, truly a brilliant kid. I am positive that Tong will know much success in his life due to his smarts, hard-work, and wonderfully charming character. Watch out for Tong in the future, he is going to do great things:)


*These past days have been filled with Joy! The Lord is showing me a lot as well. He continues to ask me to die to myself. To hand him over deep rooted sin, and to instead pick up the righteous robe of Jesus. He has communicated in ways, "I long to show you my Joy, I long to bring you into true fellowship with me. However, this can only happen in the absents of sin, only happen if you die to your old self and pick up eternal life that comes with living in and through Jesus. " I am unsure what this will all bring but I have asked for more. I have asked for revelation, experience, and then testing. I know, praying for testing?!?!? I imagine that my last month here will bring challenge. However, I welcome it because with the challenge and with the test, I will become more like him, walk deeper and closer to his holiness. This is what I desire! I pray that I will be provided the grace to do this, please pray with me. Also if you are a christian and reading this blog, the Lord desires righteousness, holiness, he will settle for nothing less. I pray that he would stir up conviction in not only my own heart but my sisters and brother too. Flee from all sin, always choose righteousness, and pursue holiness! Then Joy will rain! Joy will come like the coming of the dawn!! Oh the promise of dawn, what a beautiful picture, thank you Jesus, thank you that even your creation sings out your promises!!

*I love you all, and even though I love every moment in Cambodia. I look forward to the rest and confidence that comes with my beautiful community at home. Umm...when I return all of you must hug me for at least 2 minutes!! Then some of you, you know who are, must snuggle with me for at least 2 days:) I will be home in a just about a month, I love you family!!

Church

Church has been going very well. We have been going strong with our new approach for about a month now, and things are still fantastic. Nothing is more encouraging then to see my English students show up week after week. Then its nearly bliss to see them listen to me with such intensity. There are a few faces that i can nearly see the Lord pulling at their heart strings. I can see the spirit churning within them! Pray for boldness on their parts. Pray that they would have the courage to ask questions and approach those already in the body. I have been preaching, which has been a humbling experience. Lets just say that preaching is not a spiritual gift. The Lord has blessed my willingness and shown me that his approval should be my goal. He has shown me that faithfulness instead of success are the goal. So I continue to pray that the spirit would give words, and as Moses I deliver them with graceful stumbling. So Karen Smith and Get the Word sent a donation specifically for bibles. Well that was just about perfect. Our new believers clearly don't have bibles, so we bought a set of bibles that stay in the church, that any new comer can use through the service. We have a lot of Bibles!! We announce that if anyone wants to keep and read there bible they can simply ask to keep it. We can't just pass them out to people because of culture they would either be sold or neglected. The bibles are also used for adult services and the pastor was so thankful for the help. This church operates off of its offering taken by the congregation. The congregation is impoverished, so sometimes its a struggle to meet the needs of the church and the pastors large family. So the donation was a blessing for him as well. It has been wonderful to see the Lord coordinate donation after donation, heart after heart, for his perfect will. Seriously I couldn't even communicate how well this entire trip has been orchestrated. He is a beautiful conductor and the music he creates is truly stunning, as he pulls the talents, gifts, and resources from all members of his symphony. **Okay this was a picture in my head that I tired to communicate. Its really beautiful in my brain wish I could type it effectively***

I also just want to take the time to again thank Karen Smith and the entire Smith family. Truly, truly, they were a blessing from God in all my preparations to be here. There endless prayer and encouragement will forever be treasured. They stepped in at a time when I needed exactly what they had to offer. I will forever be thankful for there support and encouragement. The spirit through Karen was a huge part of me actually getting to Cambodia. Not to mention, the amazing example she showed me. I got to witness a women that has a huge heart for missions, while being a wonderful mother at the same time. Also her fearlessness and confidence in all of her missions was so encouraging. She is just an everyday radical truly running after the heart of the Lord. So again, thank you Jesus for using your body time and time again.



(This is Te-a our worship leader, this young man organizes the pratices, songs, and plays for both children and big church! He is an exteremly talented kid and has a huge heart for the Lord!)

(Next are pictures of praise and worship, songs with motions are the kids favorite!!)



(The girls leading the church!)

(Thank you Karen!)



(This little boy has a very large front tooth and always says, "Hello sister." When I see him on the street. I don't know his name but i think he is the cutest thing I have ever seen!)









(This is Soy, he lives in our village, and is deaf with several other mental delays. He is fantastic! He loves Jesus and blesses me every time I see him. His mother tried to abort him, he has been hit by several cars and motos, and has survived countless near death experiences. The Father loves Soy!! He has a huge plan for him!!)



(This looks like Jesus to me, this is why I am here!)



(Sadong my gracious translator and respected friend!)

Lately...

Alright Cambodia Update:
1. The Baby, things are going remarkably well! I have pretty much reached the extent of my knowledge with the baby and have been praying for more help. Guess what? Gods answers prayers and does he ever. Through a very brilliant connection...Rylee Duckworth...we found several MD's that seriously want to lend a hand. Its so wonderful because we can get any test or scan here for extremely cheap, but no one knows how to read them. So the help sent is perfect! We hope to collaborate knowledge with resource and diagnosis this baby. Then after diagnosis move on with treatment. Hope! Hope! I am unsure what the end result will be, but it brings me so much peace that educated people will be able to show love and care to this family. Lift this all up in prayer!

2. Sumly, this young lady has been a wonderful adventure. Kit and Ream have connected with a 18 year-old girl in our village. She is deaf and therefore mostly unable to communicate with the people around her. She has attended school, where she learned to read and write, and sign language. However, she recently stopped going to school. We went to meet her about a week ago and it was insane to translate for her. It was so fun for her to speak in sign, me to speak in English, Sadong to speak in Khmer, all for Sumly's mother to understand her. She voiced all of her wants and needs that no one has been able to understand before our arrival. She has a wonderful spirit and talks a mile a minute. It was nearly impossible for me to keep up with story after story that she communicated. It was like a dam broke, she hadn't spoken to anyone in a very long time, and felt like catching me up on all her life happenings. I will hopefully be working with her for several hours in the morning to reteach some forgotten signs and work on communication. We hope to get her back in school, but with some changes to fit her needs. This is such a wonderful experience for me as I get to sign again, communicate with an awesome girl, and see our kids interact with someone totally different then them. They have welcomed her with such grace...did I mention that they are fantastic!! I love them so much!

3. Boray one of our older boys choose to go home. This is a very long story that basically ends with a teenager wanting to pursue his own life. It was hard for us all to see him go but his choices left us no choice. It hurt us all to see him turn his back on his family that loves him so much. Also not to mention to choose the world over Jesus. That is the heart of Boray decision. He wanted the comfort and pleasures of the world over the everlasting love of Jesus. This is the most heart breaking part of his decision. Continue to pray for our brother..I pray that the Lord would meet him in vision and in dream. That the Lord would continue to pursue his heart. That Boray would understand the victory of Jesus instead of the certain defeat that comes with choosing flesh and ultimately satan.

Things have been really busy here for all parties. It seems as if these past 2 weeks have disappeared before my eyes. The kids have started to plead in there own ways for my permanent residents in Cambodia. They have sent several of the best English speakers to plead on everyone's behalf to ask me to stay. I have communicated school, family, and friends which seems to settle the masses. This blesses and torments me so. It is beautiful that we have come to love each other, but hard to know that the end is near. I have come to reason that even though this love is short and soon to be painful, it is totally worth it. The point of life is love, and the Lords depiction of love is so different then the worlds. He promises that LOVE WILL HURT, and that love looks more like sacrifice than anything else. After all Jesus was only with us for a short time, however, the Love he showed has echoed across all generations. I will rest in this...even though it sort of...sucks:)

So spiritually things have been interesting for me lately. The Lord has been challenging me with many new revelations. Many new revelations that I don't completely understand. So i will voice them for multiple reasons. One that talking through things is mostly the only way I can think straight and two for the body to lend advice. He has been asking me, "to die completely to myself, to lay down the dead man and take up the spirit." I have seen resurrection scripture in a new light. I know that all Joy, all fellowship, all intimacy with God comes from dying to self and being 1 with Christ. He says, "I will be in you, and you will be in me." He means this. He means that you can constantly exist in my presences. I want this! I yearn for this! However, I know this will be a process. I must lay everything flesh at his feet, surrender all parts of me to his spirit. I am not exactly sure what this looks like? I am not exactly sure what he is asking me to do? He has also said, "that you can't seek me in flesh, but instead spirit and in truth." I have asked for more of him, I have asked to experience him like the members of the first church. I have asked that he would not limit his love and blessing to me. I have welcomed him in his hugeness and asked for more and you know what he has withheld himself. It seems as if he has something to teach me first, something to show me along the journey. This is generally how he works with me. Pulling all my expectations apart before he brings the rain. Lowering all pride before he brings revelation. I am hopeful for what he is revealing for I know his heart for me and I know it is good. So now I will wait! I will wait on Him! This is so in the character of the bridegroom. If you look at what he asks of his bride, he asks her to wait. He says lovely lady wait on me. Wait with expectation of my return, of our wedding day, of the time when we will become as one. So I will wait and surely not be ashamed by the waiting. If the Lord reveals anything to you on my behalf please send it, I could really use the loving guidance of his body. I feel a tad bit lost, a tad bit unsure of my footing, which is probably good but new for me.

I have officially half way through my trip....ummm I don't know how i feel about this. I know that this is where I am suppose to be and the Lord has revealed that time and time again and he has connected me with his body. I love him, this trip has bolstered time and time again, that I am desperately in love with him...okay one more short story of his love...sorry I write alot.

So Sunday I spoke on the resurrection and to be honest was lazy in preparation of the sermon. I was super tired and distracted by the needs of the day. However, the spirit spoke for me, and gave Sadong the grace to translate. Then as I felt his grace wash over me, one of our older boys, Melor, who never really shows emotion. He has also been known to be one of older boys that causes a bit of trouble. He looks at me and in the sign language that I just recently taught him says, "Good Job," right in the middle of the sermon. He said it with complete sincere encouragement, normally the older boys only interact with me in joking manners. It was beautiful, truly sent from the Lord to minister to me in the exact moment, in a way that was specific and meaningful to me personally. The Lord is good and wishes to love me specific to me. He romances me daily!!

The Baby

So I wanted to tell the full story of the baby that I get the pleasure of visiting about once a week. On one of our community outreaches someone steered us to a needy family. They have a 13 month old little girl that was born with several disabilities. Well she wasn't born with them we don't think. We believe that she was poisoned with a vaccine. She turned completely yellow the day after her 3 month vaccinations. She lost control of her extremities shortly after. And soon began to have nearly constant body tremors. This isn't like the "Autism" poisoning craziness. Here in Cambodia there is no FDA or really any type of governmental protections, so a vaccine poisoning is very likely. She still have no motor control of any of her limps, and her tongue does its own thing all together. This makes feeding her a very difficult and slow task. We are unsure of the long term damage to this babies brain and hope to get her into a reliable clinic for an appropriate diagnosis and connections with long term care.

This babies mother is my hero. Most children with disabilities here are completely neglected. They are either killed, mistreated, or dropped off at an orphanage. The courage this mother has! She is so willing to do anything, to sacrifice everything for a future for her child. She has prayed and prayed that someone would care, the doctors here have lent her no help. The medical system has no structure for long term care. She has prayed and prayed, her family has prayed and prayed that someone would come and that someone would care. Its beautiful the way the Lord orchestras, the way he connects this body, the way he provides for his own, with his won. In the month or so that I have spent with the family, I have gotten 3 phone calls from extended family thanking me profusely for helping their family. There thankfulness and relief is both beautiful...and to be honest makes me quite heavy. I feel heavy with almost every interaction with this family. I can see the hope in the mother, I can see hope renewed in the whole family. However, I am here for 3 months, and only sort of know what I am talking about. However, I know the Lord is faithful and has plans for this connection. I know that He will provide for his family. Please pray that the Lord connects us with long term care for this family and that also he provides the funding that this baby will be sure to need.Whether it be through me and the body that I am directly connected to or another extension of himself. Pray that we can provide long term change and care for this dedicated family.

In the time that I have been working with her, she has gained the ability to turn her head from right to left with ease. She has begun to practice the motion of holding her head. She is trying when we prompt her but this task will take her awhile to master. A few days ago on our visit, she grasped for a toy. She reached forward with both hands in pursuit of a singing butterfly, this was beautiful. This was one of the first times we saw intentional effort to reach, this is a very big deal in OT world. The above picture is of her holding her toy, it took some assisstance in order to make this motion happen, however, the baby seemed quite satisfied with herself when he was holding with both hands. It was a fun moment for all. She is beginning to eat solid foods, which is a huge relief for the family. I however, have had little to no effect on the feeding process. Mom is a champion and has figured out the best approach on all her own. I am telling you this mother is darn amazing!

Again the Lord has shown me what Hope looks like. Hope is relevant here. Hopelessness is almost a way of life for those in need. There is no 911, rehab centers, caring doctors, caring nurses, educated medical professionals, all assistance for the handicap comes via NGO's. So in short, it has been a privilege to work with this family and get to know this baby and mother. I look forward to this coming month with expectancy, really unknown expectancy for the Lord to come and move and provide. Pray for this please, I need help, I need someone with an actual education, I need a pediatrician and a OT. I need long term care. Or I need a miracle, that's an option too:) Pray for which ever option the Lord leads you too. Let me know if you know someone who can help.

Abundance!!

Okay so I don't even know where to begin about these past few days. They have truly been a gift from God! So Sunday went very well, we had a few new faces, and then lots and lots of returning new faces. It is wonderful to see my English students there. My love for my English class grows stronger each day as I get to know them and they get to know me. Its wonderful to chat with the girls about school and home, also I play games with them on occasion, they all love to play games, even the big boys! Its also great to hear, "Hello Bong Courtney" pretty much any time I enter the market. So back to Sunday, we talked about the life and death of Jesus, and I can still see the faces of the children that were listening. Its so beautiful to see them mull over what your saying, to see the wheels turning. I pray and hope that my students will come to know Jesus, I pray and hope that in this season of mercy they would come to know him. I pray that now is the time for harvest. However, the harvest is plenty but the laborers are few, pray for laborers to Cambodia, pray that strong christian Cambodians would rise up. This is really what we need strong and dedicated leadership. Sunday overall was a beautiful day:)

Then comes Monday!! This day was one for the books! It was a holiday so the kids didn't have school, we celebrated the quarterly birthdays, and we had a love banquet! It was pretty fantastic. So this day consisted of lots of games, lots of fun, and tons and tons of food. So the love banquet was a surprise for the kids. Basically its just an experience based off of John 10:10, that the Lord wishes to give us life Abundant! You pair scripture with a experience to physically show the children the love and heart of the Lord. It was fantastic. We started with snack at 2:00, the kids plates were overflowing with fresh fruits, crackers, cookies, and lots and lots of candy. You could truly hear the sounds of "abundance," as candy and cookies hit the ground right and left because bowls were to full! It was a wonderful sound. They snacked all afternoon, unable to finish even 1 round. We played tons of games, the favorite would have to be the final race through the pond! The pond is empty and full of mud, this was a fantastic time! The pictures are sure to be my favorite. Then we had dinner, this was also fantastic. We had the biggest dinner I have ever seen. Shrimp, chicken, beef, clams, rice, stir fry...all in abundance for 40 plus people..imagine!! I sat and ate with the kids it was so fun. In Cambodia meals are a totally different experience, especially for me. You see the meal requires that you eat with your hands and it ends with piles of scraps all over the tables: clam shells, shrimp heads and tails, chicken bones. Sauces are placed all over the tables as everyone dips from them. I discovered this lime pepper sauce last night, amazingly good! Anyway, I can't fully explain how much I love these meals, there messy and smelly but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It just feels like family to me. So the kids loved the meal! I watched with glee as Somerang popped shrimp after shrimp in his mouth with giggles each time. Mela, one of our oldest, asked if I wanted a clam, I said no, there no bad but I don't prefer them. I ask him if he liked them, and He responded with an enthusiastic yes as he piled about 20 into his bowl for safe keeping! I think Channee ate more food than I have ever seen anyone eat in my life, faster than I have ever seen anyone eat in my life, and really with quite a bit of gusto! He asked me to take a picture of his remaining scrap bowls. He had 2 bowls entirely full of meat remains!! We played some more and then had dessert. This had the greatest response. Normally each child gets 1 small piece of birthday cake, however, in the name of John 10:10 we cooked 7 cakes and each kid began with 4 pieces of different cakes. It was so fun to watch there faces as we piled 4 pieces on their plates. It was a mix of confusion and bliss. We had nearly 3 cakes left over, and most couldn't even begin to finish their first round. It was Abundance and it was beautiful! It was such a memory, I will never forget it. I pray and hope that the message was received as well as the food! We all went to bed full and exhausted!! It was such a wonderful day and I thank the Lord above that abundance is in his character, and he longs to heap blessing on our heads! He is such a good father and He gives such life-altering gifts.

How do I possibly...

The question, "How do I possibly.." is currently ringing through my head. I have set down to write Sunday's sermon about 3 times now, and everything I write seems dull and lack-luster. Last week I spoke about the history of the coming Messiah and its importance, I ended with the Bridge Demonstration, where Jesus made a bridge for sin. Now this week as the second installment to a 3 part series, comes the life and death of Jesus Christ. I want to relay this message in a way that moves them, in a way that effectively and truthfully describes the weight and depth of this story. For some of these children, its the first time they have heard this beautiful story of romance. You see writing generally comes easy to me. I love words, love sentences, I love putting them together in a way that effectively describes how I feel. I love writing beautiful things about my savior. So you would think that this sermon would be the easiest, most natural for me to write. However, it hasn't. The story is just to big to fit in a 20 minute space. So I have been praying that the Lord would show me what part of His story he wants to convey today, what part of His story they need to hear most. It's hard because most of these kids know nothing, don't know the basic church history that almost all Americans know. They have no context for the life and times of Jesus. So I get stuck because I need to explain the basic facts to allow them to understand, but more than that I need to explain what the cross meant! What the cross meant for me and what the cross meant for them. I need to explain about Jesus's character, about his actions, about his person, more than I need to explain to them what a Pharisee is. So I battle with these two approaches.

So I have been praying and praying about this. I have set down time and time again to write. However, nothing comes, nothing flows, everything seems bland. So I was praying and the Lord communicated, "What does the cross mean to you?" It means so much to me, or maybe it use too, I hadn't really thought about it lately. If you have been a believer for some time I ask that you spend some time today reading the story of Jesus death again. Allow something new to touch your spirit. Different parts of the story stick out and bolster my love for my Christ. The Lord said that you need a revelation of the cross before you can preach on the cross. You need to hear this story as if it was the first time before you preach it for the first time. This made since to me. So as you reread I beg you to see the Lords character, I beg you to see him as a real breathing man before you. I beg you to see, that He was silent. He stayed silent throughout every torturous step. I beg you to see the sentence, "My GOD, MY GOD, why have you forsaken me." In a new way. This sentence sends chill to this day. You see Christ was blanketed in the worlds sin, covered in disgust, and the Lord turned his face. The Lord turned his Holy face because He can not look upon sin. The bible says the world grew dark with this motion.

Think of Jesus as man, think of Jesus in his state of suffering, think of Jesus in all perfection blanketed in the very thing that is opposite of him. Think of Him in His despair being cut from the vine, being left alone. Think of His love for you. Think of His obedience to the king. I ask that you see this in a new light. Also consider this...satan was there. Satan was at the cross, satan whispered in the scoffers ear. Satan urged the people, "crucify, crucify." Satan was there and satan rejoiced. Satan thought he had won. Now I am not exactly sure if this is biblical but this is how I see the cross. Now you see there is a price for a sin, there is a payment that must be paid. When Christ cries out for this "cup to pass" in Gethsemane. I don't think its because He can't possibly bare the psychical beating that is about to come. No, I think it is much much more than that. I think it was because He knew He was about to face the most torturous event in history. What does it mean that, "He took on our sins, that he paid the price for them." I think it means that He bore the torture. You see why does Satan want your soul, why do demons slave day in an day out to win you to their side, think about this? Well its not because they love you, which is the reason for Christs eternal battle. No I think its because if they win you they get to keep you. They get your soul for eternity. They take the pleasure of beating and torturing you for every sin for the rest of eternity. There Joy is your eternal torture. They thirst for your sorrow. So you see Christ took that. Christ said, I will pay there price, I will face the torture that is upon all of my chosen children. I will bare the shame for my elect. If you can possibly pull from every demon movie, Passion film, or any other worldly depiction of what occurs in the realm of the Lord. Imagine the torture that occurred, torture is not even the word. Imagine the Joy that satan took as the king of all kings was handed over to them. Imagine what they did to him? Imagine what happened as He died the death that saved us all. Can you possibly? Most of this is just speculation, but I challenge you to think about the questions proposed. They are important questions.

So the Lord has showered grace upon grace even in this blog. He has shed new light on his story. And communicated love over and over again. Yesterday the kids ask me to read to them, which they do often, which I still don't really understand because they can't understand a word that I am saying. However, they asked me to read this Max Lucado children's story, the Lord rained. I mean strangely enough the story spoke so deeply to my soul. It was a story of how a King fought for his daughter. How a king cleared a path for her return. Now listen girls this is what got me. In the story a prince(our husbands or soon to be husbands.) Said I will go get her, I will rescue her from satans hands, I love her and I will fight to the death for her. The King said, "No, this is my job, I am the only one that can rescue." This was deeply personal to me. Its hard to explain exactly how. Basically the King had chosen a prince for his daughter. It was in his heart for a prince to come. However, He was the rescue, He was the savior, He was the one that would go head strong into battle. He told the prince to wait for His return, He was going in the "forest" for His daughter. I hope this makes a little since. I am going to find the book upon my return and read it to my children!!

So the Lord has urged me. The Lord has answered my question. "Tell them our story." "Tell them our love story, tell them our romance, tell them and they will understand." Even as I type this I receive peace. How stinking romantic is our king? Shoot, I love him. I mean seriously I ask him how do I tell your story, and he responds, "tell them ours, tell them the story of our love." shoot! So tonight I will sit and I will write the greatest love story ever told, I will write my story, our story! Hmmmm...I love Him!